Alright, I'm officially over whining my way through this pregnancy. I am so grateful that you have all unflinchingly listened to my litany of sorrows, but honestly, enough is enough.
I am lucky.
First, with the pregnancy. Yes, I've had some aches and pains and so on, but I have not been placed on bed rest, have not had life-threatening complications, my blood pressure is something absurd like 98 over 59. My ankles are not swollen, my ultrasound looked great and the baby's heart rate has stayed at a constant and cool 140ish for the last month. He's a cool dude, with a nice left hook and a penchant for using my cervix as a trampoline. No underweight, NICU needing babe in this belly.
As this guy didn't listen to my plan for an arrival two to three weeks ahead of his due date, I've had some time to reflect. I am 39, which has given me some serious bouts of fear during this pregnancy. But what will be, will be. I think fear has been a bit behind my whining. But no more. I'm somewhat afraid that we haven't come up with the perfect name yet. Although we may have - we have to meet the little guy to know for sure what to call him.
Second, I am just plain lucky with my health. I've been engaging and hearty and long debates about health care with as many reticent conservatives as possible. I have on occasion shook with anger at the stories from people unable to obtain medical care or rendered bankrupt because of the cost of healthcare. I am ashamed that we don't take care of our citizens, that through the practices of our government we prioritize corporate financial health far above human health. Last night I was going through the last 5 years of medical and insurance records in preparation for kissing Anthem/Blue Cross as our insurance company goodbye. For as little as my family has needed medical attention, there sure has been a lot of paperwork and a lot of battling with our insurance company for coverage of those very few and minor appointments. This year I've seen my surgeon once and Sawyer had stitches and that's the extent of our medical visits (other than the midwives, of course). We have been blessed with great health, and we work hard at staying healthy. We've been lucky to not have major issues beyond our control. So lucky. But there are plenty of people who aren't, and who's to know when one of those people might be one of us. That fight for health care reform in our country is by no means abstract for me. It feels like it could be a life and death fight for any of us at any time. How lucky that we finally have a president brave enough to be pushing the issue to the forefront.
Third, I am so grateful for the life I have: two healthy children who make my heart swell with pride, a wonderful (and healthy) husband who always takes my breath away with my realization of love for him, and my sense of being a team. Employment. A home. Working vehicles. A wonderful community full of friends who never stop asking how they can help, never stop dropping off hand me downs or making me laugh. There is nothing in my life I can take for granted, from parents whose generosity in providing opportunities to celebrate together is constant and so appreciated,
to siblings whose love and support is constant. Actually, I think I could take these things for granted, but I refuse. I am far too grateful, too aware of how precious they are and of how rare they are.
This little guy may take his time in emerging into this amazing and tumultuous world, but I am resolved to enjoy the last of it experiencing a healthy pregnancy, the wonder of new life inside of me, the anticipation of my children and community and family ready to welcome him however and whenever he arrives with arms and hearts wide open.
A week or two ago, Jordan was very frustrated with her brother at bath time and she marched him into the bathroom and into the tub and made him listen to her read the book "Peaceful Piggy Meditation." Pretty soon the bath and the book had them in a wonderful place and they left it half unread on the floor. I'm not sure what the inspiration was this morning, but as I was taking a shower, they came in and read the rest of it together. I realize so much of the amazing lessons and moments of wonder are given to me courtesy of my children. This is just the latest. From the littlest. My life is far more full of blessings than of troubles, far more full of comfort than of discomfort. And I am so, so grateful for it all. What joyful abundance.
Second, I am just plain lucky with my health. I've been engaging and hearty and long debates about health care with as many reticent conservatives as possible. I have on occasion shook with anger at the stories from people unable to obtain medical care or rendered bankrupt because of the cost of healthcare. I am ashamed that we don't take care of our citizens, that through the practices of our government we prioritize corporate financial health far above human health. Last night I was going through the last 5 years of medical and insurance records in preparation for kissing Anthem/Blue Cross as our insurance company goodbye. For as little as my family has needed medical attention, there sure has been a lot of paperwork and a lot of battling with our insurance company for coverage of those very few and minor appointments. This year I've seen my surgeon once and Sawyer had stitches and that's the extent of our medical visits (other than the midwives, of course). We have been blessed with great health, and we work hard at staying healthy. We've been lucky to not have major issues beyond our control. So lucky. But there are plenty of people who aren't, and who's to know when one of those people might be one of us. That fight for health care reform in our country is by no means abstract for me. It feels like it could be a life and death fight for any of us at any time. How lucky that we finally have a president brave enough to be pushing the issue to the forefront.
Third, I am so grateful for the life I have: two healthy children who make my heart swell with pride, a wonderful (and healthy) husband who always takes my breath away with my realization of love for him, and my sense of being a team. Employment. A home. Working vehicles. A wonderful community full of friends who never stop asking how they can help, never stop dropping off hand me downs or making me laugh. There is nothing in my life I can take for granted, from parents whose generosity in providing opportunities to celebrate together is constant and so appreciated,
to siblings whose love and support is constant. Actually, I think I could take these things for granted, but I refuse. I am far too grateful, too aware of how precious they are and of how rare they are.This little guy may take his time in emerging into this amazing and tumultuous world, but I am resolved to enjoy the last of it experiencing a healthy pregnancy, the wonder of new life inside of me, the anticipation of my children and community and family ready to welcome him however and whenever he arrives with arms and hearts wide open.
A week or two ago, Jordan was very frustrated with her brother at bath time and she marched him into the bathroom and into the tub and made him listen to her read the book "Peaceful Piggy Meditation." Pretty soon the bath and the book had them in a wonderful place and they left it half unread on the floor. I'm not sure what the inspiration was this morning, but as I was taking a shower, they came in and read the rest of it together. I realize so much of the amazing lessons and moments of wonder are given to me courtesy of my children. This is just the latest. From the littlest. My life is far more full of blessings than of troubles, far more full of comfort than of discomfort. And I am so, so grateful for it all. What joyful abundance.
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